I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
