On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
