Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
