He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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