What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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