Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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