so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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