Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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