You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
do nipples grow back?
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