I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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