i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
