just tell him i said nine months
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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