why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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