So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
