Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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