what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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