just tell him i said nine months
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
