Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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