The maid of honor just puked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
