You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
