The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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