those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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