you win again, gameday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
