if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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