i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
