When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
