I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
