1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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