she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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