Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
