good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize