Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
