your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
