she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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