I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
