taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
