I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
