It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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