I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I smell stomach acid.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
