oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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