as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
