whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
