We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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