I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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