My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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