jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
