Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
