meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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