It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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