im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
