Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
