he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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