I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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