the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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