are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
