he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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