Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
