do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Houston, we have a blender
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
