She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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