it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How's work?
Spinning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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