i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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