Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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