I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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