i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize