Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
