I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
