Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
