i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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